Category: So this guy

So this guy

On By scottpetersenIn So this guyLeave a comment

[A repeat from September 5, 2019] So on Monday morning, this guy goes to work with a nasty-looking black eye.

“What happened to you?” said his friend.

“Geeesh. . . I was in Church yesterday. When we all stood up to sing a hymn, this old woman in front of me stood up. She was wearing a huge billowy dress and the back of the dress was stuck in her belt and in her rear end. So I reached forward and pulled it out.  With that, she turned around and smacked me.”

“Gee that’s too bad,” said the friend. “You try and do a good deed and look what happens.”

The next Monday the same guy came to work – this time with the other eye all blackened.   His friend saw him and said “Wow! What happened to you?”

Guy said “So yesterday we go to Church. And we sit behind this same woman. We all stood up to sing a hymn and – just like last week – her big billowy dress was caught up in her belt and in her rear end. The guy next to me reached over and pulled it out. But I knew she didn’t like that so I just leaned forward and tucked it all back in. . . . . . “

So this guy. . . .

On By scottpetersenIn So this guyLeave a comment

So this guy goes to the doctor.  He’s nervous and fidgeting.  The doctor says “do you smoke?”   The guy responds “yeah – four packs a day.”  The doctor responds “well, if you don’t quit smoking, you’re going to be dead in five years.”  The guy says “But Doc – I’m nervous.  I gotta have something to keep me calm.”  The doctor thought for a moment “why don’t you chew toothpicks?” 

So the guy quit smoking and started chewing toothpicks.  Three boxes of toothpicks a day.  He died five years later.  Dutch elm disease. . . .

So This Guy. . . .

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[A smile from October 16, 2014] So this guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks “how long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and says “about two hours.”  The guy left.

A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked “how long before I can get a haircut?”   The barber looked around the shop and said “about three hours.”   The guy left.

A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked “how long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop and said “about an hour and a half.”  The guy left.

The barber turned to his friend and said “hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow that guy and see where he goes.    He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut but he never comes back.”

A little while later, Bob returned to the shop laughing hysterically.   The barber asked “so, where does he go when he leaves?”

Bob looked up and wiped tears from his eyes and said . . . .

“Your house!”

So this guy. . . .

On By scottpetersenIn So this guyLeave a comment

[I could use a smile.  Here’s one from January 23, 2012]

So this guy goes to the doctor.  He’s nervous and fidgeting.  The doctor says “do you smoke?”   The guy responds “yeah – four packs a day.”  The doctor shook his head and calmly offered “well, if you don’t quit smoking, you’re going to be dead in five years.”  The guy is twitching and shaking and says “But Doc – I’m nervous.  I gotta have something to keep me calm.”  The doctor thought for a moment “why don’t you chew toothpicks?” 

So the guy quit smoking and started chewing toothpicks.  Three boxes of toothpicks a day.  He died five years later.  Dutch elm disease. . . .

So this guy. . . .

On By scottpetersenIn Religious tolerance, So this guyLeave a comment

As a follow up to the prior post relating to religious tolerance, I feel a need to repeat a post from April 22, 2018. . . . .

I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I ran over and yelled at him “Don’t do it!”

He stopped – and said “Nobody loves me.” I responded “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”  He said “Yes.”

I asked “Are you a Christian or a Jew?” He said “I’m a Christian.” And I said “Me, too!

“Are you Protestant or Catholic?” He said “Protestant.” I said “Me, too!”

“What denomination?” He said “Baptist.” I said “Me, too!!”

“Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?” He said “Northern Baptist.”  I said “Me, too!!”

“Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?” He said “Northern Conservative Baptist.”  I said “Me, too!!”

“Are you Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?” He said “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.” I said “Me, too!!!”

“Are you Northern Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?” He responded “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.“

I yelled “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him off the bridge.

So this guy. . . .

On By scottpetersenIn So this guyLeave a comment

So on Monday morning, this guy goes to work with a nasty-looking black eye.

“What happened to you?” said his friend.

“Geeesh. . . I was in Church yestereday. When we all stood up to sing a hymm, this old woman in front of me stood up. She was wearing a huge billowy dress and the back of the dress was stuck in her belt and in her rear end. So I reached forward and pulled it out.  With that, she turned around and smacked me.”

“Gee that’s too bad,” said the friend. “You try and do a good deed and look what happens.”

The next Monday the same guy came to work – this time with the other eye all blackened.   His friend saw him and said “Wow! What happened to you?”

Guy said “So yesterday we go to Church. And we sit behind this same woman. We all stood up to sing a hymm and – just like last week – her big billowy dress was caught up in her belt and in her rear end. The guy next to me reached over and pulled it out. But I knew she didn’t like that so I just leaned forward and tucked it all back in. . . . . . “

So this guy. . . .

On By scottpetersenIn Religious tolerance, So this guyLeave a comment

As a follow up to the prior post regarding attitudes on religious tolerance, you may enjoy the following. . . . . .

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!”

He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”  He said, “Yes.”

I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?” He said, “A Christian.” And I said, “Me, too!

“Protestant or Catholic?” He said, “Protestant.” I said, “Me, too!

“What denomination?” He said, “Baptist.” I said, “Me, too!

“Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?” He said, “Northern Baptist.”  I said, “Me, too!!

“Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”  I said, “Me, too!!

“Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.” I said, “Me, too!!!“

“Are you Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”

I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him off the bridge.

So this guy. . . .

On By scottpetersenIn So this guy, Wood eyeLeave a comment

So this poor guy was extremely embarrassed because he had one eye made of wood. Growing up, he was teased by kids who called him “Wood Eye.” “Hey Wood Eye” they would yell.  “Wood Eye.”   So he avoided social situations and social contact.  He rarely had a date.  One day he felt especially lonely.  Even though he was painfully shy — he decided to attend a dance.

He felt like leaving but he stayed — standing on the side – watching as everyone danced happily to the music.  As he looked around, he saw a young woman sitting alone.  She had been sitting there for a while.  Her hands were folded in her lap and she too was looking around. She looked okay but she had a very severe hair lip.

The guy thought what can go wrong. So he slowly walked over to her. He looked down and had all he could do to ask “may I have this dance?”

She looked up brightly, smiled and said “would I – would I!!”

He yelled at her “Hair lip! Hair lip!” And ran out of the building . . . . .

So this Guy

On By scottpetersenIn Humor, So this guy1 Comment

So there’s this single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.”I may look like just an ordinary guy,” he said to her, “but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million.”

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

So this Guy

On By scottpetersenIn Humor, So this guyLeave a comment

So this guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks “how long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and says “about two hours.”  The guy left.

A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked “how long before I can get a haircut?”   The barber looked around the shop and said “about three hours.”   The guy left.

A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked “how long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop and said “about an hour and a half.”  The guy left.

The barber turned to his friend and said “hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow that guy and see where he goes.    He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut but he never comes back.”

A little while later, Bob returned to the shop laughing hysterically.   The barber asked “so, where does he go when he leaves?”

Bob looked up and wiped tears from his eyes and said . . . .

“Your house!”