Year: 2014

So this Guy. . . .

On By scottpetersenIn Humor, Lawyers, So this guyLeave a comment

So this guy is up delivering a speech to a large group of people. He begins to rant “All lawyers are jerks!”  [Or you may select your own epithet]

From the back of the room a guy raises his hand and yells “I really take offense at your words.”

The guy giving the speech asks “are you a lawyer?”

“Absolutely not,” the guy says defensively. “I’m a jerk!”

Lawyers do get a bad rap from the public.  In a 2013 Pew research poll, lawyers ranked at the bottom of ten professions.  Only 18% of responders felt that lawyers contributed “a lot” to society’s well being.  And that’s down from 23% in 2009.  In a December 2013 Gallup poll on “Honesty/Ethics in Professions,” lawyers were at the bottom of the list — just above members of Congress, lobbyists and car salesmen.  While there are a lot of good lawyers, I tend to think that much of the criticism of lawyers is deserved.   We don’t police the profession as we might and. . . .  wait . . . shhhh. . . .sorry – gotta run!  I hear a siren. . . . .       

Lydia the Tattooed Lady

On By scottpetersenIn Lydia the Tattooed Lady, Walking Freak Shows1 Comment

In 1939, Groucho Marx sang “Lydia the Tattooed Lady” in the classic Marx Brothers’ film “At the Circus” (enjoy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4zRe_wvJw8). In 1939 as well as in 1977 when the Muppet Show had Kermit singing the song to a bedecked Miss Piggy, tattoos were an exception rather than the rule. It violates the Torah (Leviticus 19:28) and the hadith in Islam where tattoos are haram (forbidden). Nonetheless, guys had the occasional anchor or “USMC” inked on their arm and a woman might have a small flower or family name.  But tattoos were modest – and tasteful. Tattooed ladies remain a part of “Freak Shows” at the circus (or reality shows) even now.   As recently as the 1960’s and 70’s tattoos were associated with bikers and criminals. In Japan, only the yakuza (the crime syndicate) has tattoos. In China, tattoos are taboo. In Europe, tattoos are still very unpopular. And then there’s America.                                                                                                                                                             

I got on the train yesterday and a young couple gets on and sits down. The guy’s wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Both arms and both hands were covered with tattoos and his legs were similarly adorned. Tattoos crept up the back of his neck and around toward his throat. Not sure how you view it but to me it’s pretty weird. But you see this new body decoration frequently. Walking freak shows (just like the circus I remember). Men with tattoos covering their arms, necks, torsos, legs. Even facial tattoos. And there are tattooed ladies. 

According to a recent article by Miriam Jordan in the Wall Street Journal (June 27, 2014), 71% of young people today are now ineligible to join the military (see http://online.wsj.com/articles/recruits-ineligibility-tests-the-military-1403909945). The reasons? Bad grades, obesity, criminal records, ADHD (and other issues), drug use, and now under a new regulation – excessive tattoos. Great. Makes you feel proud. And safe.

Life After High School

On By scottpetersenIn Life after high schoolLeave a comment

Social studies.  Reading Comprehension. English Literature. P.E. Chemistry. Trigonometry (did I spell that right?). These are all courses I took in high school. As I mentioned previously the best course I took in high school was typing. I can type flawlessly for about 60 words a minute. The other courses? Chemistry? What the heck is a “beaker”?

Okay okay.  These are all good courses – and worth taking. But for my money, I think high school students should all be required to take a course “Life After High School.” It would be a one year curriculum and involve seminars on balancing a check book; shopping; simple first aid; spending money wisely; relationships and respect; job interviews; nutrition; cooking simple meals; raising babies; investing; and so on.  Topics which help a young person acclimate and actually put to good use after high school.  Many kids will go to college.  Many will not.  But learning how to respect a spouse, show your best to a prospective employer, and deal intelligently with a screaming baby will benefit everyone. 

These are not topics that are  in conflict with parents so there should be no pushback.  And it might create a broader universe of students/grads who are more able to assimilate, interact and thrive. 

Did You Shave?

On By scottpetersenIn Did you shave?1 Comment

I golf once or twice a week.  If I get up early, I hop in the shower, dry off, and dress in the space of 7 or 8 minutes.  I normally don’t shave unless I have to “go somewhere.”  Last weekend, I went off to play golf.  Donna was up.  She gave me a quizzical look.  “Did you shave?” she asked.  “Nah.  I’m just playing golf.”  “Don’t you think you should shave?”  She asked.   “Nah.  Nobody notices,” I replied.  She gave me another “look” and I made a hasty exit. 

Now I have to say that I have never – never – said to Jim, Bill, Tim or Joe “Psssst . . . did you see Norm?  He didn’t shave this morning.”   I have never observed that one of my brethren had not taken Barbasol and Schick to face.  Frankly, I probably wouldn’t notice if a guy hadn’t shaved unless he started to look like one of the boys from ZZ Top.  “Hey Mike – did you shave this morning?”  “Scott – I haven’t shave in six months.”  Gosh I never noticed.   I’m not sure what the big deal is about shaving.  But whenever we go anywhere, I inevitably get the question “did you shave?”  Most of the time, I come up with the right answer.       

In my house, I make all of the big important decisions. Donna makes all of the small, piddly ones. However Donna is the one who decides what’s “important” and what’s “piddly.”   Shaving, it seems, is one of those piddly ones. . . .

Evil

On By scottpetersenIn EvilLeave a comment

What is “evil”?  There are dictionary definitions (“morally reprehensible” “a complete absence of – or opposite of – good“).  There seems to be a general consensus on what is “good” and what is “evil.”  And this consensus crosses religious, ethnic, geographic, political and racial boundaries.  And yet there remains evil.  We read about it every day.    

In looking at our world today, most folks would agree that there are all too many organizations which fall under the definition of “evil.”  ISIS (Islamic State in Iraq & Syria); Boko Haram (the radical Muslims – Hausas – in Nigeria); Hamas in Gaza (especially the military wing); Al-Qaeda; Hezbollah; and so many others are veritable killing machines.   They are dedicated to (and often glorify) murder, kidnapping and torture.   They are dedicated to getting their own way.  Anyone who gets in their way is toast.  Interestingly most of the terrorist organizations today are Islamic.   And curiously many of these terror groups are at odds with each other (witness the vicious conflicts between Fatah, Hamas, the Muslim Brotherhood and the 72 sects of Islam).   We also see the abyss of evil in places like North Korea and in things like crime and exploitation. 

It is instructive to note is that most purveyors of evil and their members avow that their task is holy.  Their goals are honorable.  Their objectives just.  Their enemies are evil.   And that’s the rub.  How does one deal with such logic?  How do you rationalize the recent comments of ISIS killers that they feel “closer to God” by brutally torturing enemies?  You can’t.   We can speak out (I wish moderate voices of Islam would object to the current strife).  We can react.  Respond.  But in the end, I think the answer is that every once in a while, there is a large international commode that is full – and needs flushing.

 

Leg Cramps (Part III)

On By scottpetersenIn Leg cramps1 Comment

In my posts of October 24 and 26, 2011, I went into concise detail on the causes of and treatments for leg cramps. Since that time, I have had zero leg cramps. Until last night. . . . .

Let’s set the stage.  It was Friday.  I took the day off.  To play in a 2 day golf tournament (my team won).   It was 90+ degrees.  100% humidity.  I poured sweat.   And drank bottle after bottle of water.  At the turn, when I normally make a pit stop, there was no reason to stop.  I just went on to the 10th tee.  And teed off.  More water.  And I continued to pour sweat.  We had dinner.  More water (no cabernet).  And when I got home, I was tired.  I went up.  Got in bed and started reading.  That’s when it happened.  The biceps femoris (the muscle behind my right knee) began cramping.  Ow ow ow ow.   I rubbed.   Drank some water.  And Donna sped off for some V-8 juice (potassium/sodium).  And she gave me two more things not mentioned in the earlier posts. 

Donna had read that magnesium can help stop muscle cramps.  So I popped a magnesium pill (Metagenics Mag Glycinate – 200 mg).  And she had bought a Health & Wisdom magnesium gel with aloe vera.   And she brought some ice.  Within 10 minutes, the cramp was history.  I went back to reading.  And slept like a baby.  Maybe it was the Dove bar that I tossed under the sheet . . . . *

*Ya gotta read 10/26/11 for context  

The Cemetery of the Books

On By scottpetersenIn Carlos Ruiz Zafon, Cemetery of the Books, Rock Island RailroadLeave a comment

Years ago, in another life (and over the course of several years), I traveled to Spain and Portugal with some frequency.  I would normally come back with suitcases chock full of handwritten manuscripts. Many dated to the 1400’s. There were the garrison records for Gibraltar (all from the 1680’s and 1690’s), the thousand page manuscript history of the Church in Santiago de Compostela (1540-1822), the Jesuit activities in Goa (India) dating to the early 1500’s and so on.  As we all say when time marches on – “those were the days.” 

In Lisbon, during one visit, I found it.  I found a genuine cemetery of the books.  This was a term made popular by Carlos Ruiz Zafon in his must read book The Shadow of the Wind.  The cemetery of the books in Lisbon was a 3 or 4 story warehouse.  Chock full of manuscripts, rare books and manuscript books.   It was not a museum or archive.  It was literally a cemetery of rarities.  Which one could buy for a song.  Few people knew about this place.  And somehow I had stumbled upon it.  For those who are squeamish, stop reading here.  The books and manuscripts I would pull off the shelves were literally crawling with lice.  Crawling with insects.  Vermin scooted in the corners  and along the walls.  But oh my – the things that were there.  As good as the Rock Island Railroad warehouse (see May 15, 2014). 

I would load up a suitcase or two with books and manuscripts – carefully wrapping them in plastic bags – and bring them home.  Once home, I would put the plastic bags in a large freezer for a month or two (the recommended Rx for dealing with the creepy crawlers) and later leaf through what I had found.  And then dispose of the items.  But on one sad trip to Lisbon, I went to the cemetery and – it was no more.  It had burned to the ground a month or two before.  I still have an item or two or three left from these forays.  But I am sad that the cemetery of books is no more.  If it was still there, I’d likely be flitting off to Lisbon every few months. . . . . 

Dress Codes

On By scottpetersenIn Dress codesLeave a comment

I am sitting in my office at my desk – having lunch (“off the clock” mind you) – and writing this post. I am wearing chinos and a golf shirt. And an old pair of Keen Finlays on my feet. I’m comfy.  My office has no dress code per se other than “business casual.”   It’s pretty much “dress for your day” except on Fridays when jeans are de rigueur.   If we have special visitors or meetings, I’ll put on a suit.  But otherwise, I’m pretty informal.  Though it hasn’t always been that way. . . . .

At my old firm, the managing partner, who ran the office like a personal fiefdom, insisted on suits and ties.  Every day.  On Fridays after noon, guys could loosen their tie.  When our managing partner stiffly observed that “no man can effectively work without wearing a suit” I responded that Michael Jordan did pretty well in his shorts and wife beater.  That brought a titter from those assembled but darkened the countenance of our managing partner.  Once one of my partners showed up without a tie.   Mister Dress Code marched into his office and pitched a twenty dollar bill on his desk.  “Go get a tie and put it on,” he growled.   The partner pushed back and was “fired” on the spot (only to be grudgingly allowed to resume work – the “firing” conveniently overlooked).

I get on the train in a nice suburb of Chicago and truth be told, I see very few suits.  The guys and gals are almost all “biz casual.”   For tomorrow, I already have my clothes laid out – green denim bib overalls with a checkered shirt, high topped boots and a railroad cap.  And a bandana.         

“F” is for “Fireworks”

On By scottpetersenIn Fireworks, Fireworks - an editorial, Illinois gets an F1 Comment

Every Independence Day, I am embarrassed that Illinois is one of the few states in the Union that disallows any and all kinds of fireworks for private use. This Fourth of July I heard a few neighborhood “pops.”  And saw a few puffs of light.   And I can just imagine police SWAT teams barreling down on the offenders.

I continue to believe that people of Illinois should descend on Springfield and demand equality for buying and using fireworks. As I reported earlier (10/10/12; 10/15/12; and 10/30/13), many kids – like me – grew up with fireworks.  And it was a hoot.  Don’t give me the “oooh oooh – you can get hurt” business.  It does not happen.  And you know it.  Your child has a greater chance of being seriously injured playing soccer than by a firework. 

And while we’re in Springfield asking those who run this state for equality for buying, selling and using fireworks – we might create some fireworks of our own demanding honest government and fiscal responsibility.  Illinois has the worst credit rating in the nation.  And according to a new Thumbtack.com and Kaufmann Foundation survey, Illinois is the worst for business (okay, California tied us).  Illinois got an “F.”  Companies are leaving in droves to the tune of 1,000+ jobs a day.  Illinois is one of the most heavily-taxed states.   Yet new taxes, fines, regulations and penalties appear daily.  Did you know Chicago’s population today is less than it was in 1920?  Illinois leadership has ruined our State.   Yet they keep getting voted in.  Who votes for these people?  How’s that for a segue?     

Creative Cooking

On By scottpetersenIn Creative cookingLeave a comment

Last Saturday, I volunteered to make dinner. As is my custom, I often go where no man (or woman) has gone before. Translated: I rarely use a recipe.

The meals I create are determined by whatever hunger pangs are pulsing through my body at any given time (usually while prowling the aisles of Fresh Market). Last Saturday was no different. 

I grabbed a handful of Shiitaki mushrooms (the Asian mushrooms are healthiest), a yellow onion and some organic leaf spinach.  After slicing the Shiitakis and chopping the onion, I  sautéed the mix in olive oil with a little pepper.  I tossed in the spinach in the last few minutes of a 40 minute siege on low heat.  I made my fabulous mashed potatoes (organic baby potatoes mashed with garlic cheddar cheese and butter).   And for the piéce de résistance, I got some Bay scallops and marinated them in an Austin’s Own barbecue sauce.  After a half hour or so, I drained and patted them dry (just to keep the hint of BBQ flavor).  These I sautéed in olive oil for about 9 minutes (probably too long). In the last few minutes, I poured in some pure maple syrup.  It bubbled and popped.  I drained and served with a Vidau Rioja red. 

The meal earned a 7-3/4 from Donna.  It was the overcooking of the scallops (making them a tad tough) that brought down the score.  The other dishes were perfect 10’s.  As was the wine and the Talenti pistachio gelato.   

I can’t wait until next Saturday. . . .