Lawyers. . . . . .

A police officer was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer’s credibility.
Q:  Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A:  No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.
Q:  Officer, who provided this description?
A:  The officer who responded to the scene.
Q:  So – a fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender?    Do you trust your fellow officers?
A:  Yes, sir. With my life.
Q:  With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A:  Yes sir, we do!
Q:  And do you have a locker in the room?
A:  Yes, sir, I do.
Q:  And do you have a lock on your locker?
A:  Yes, sir.
Q:  Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?
A:  You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, but sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

Are You Saving that Seat?

I get on the train every day. And sit down with my duffel on my lap.  I sit next to someone or I scooch in and leave the aisle seat for someone else.  Everyone does the same.  Or nearly everyone. 

Nearly every day, I see the same people (or the same kinds of people) taking up two seats. They’ll set their pack or duffel on the seat next to them and spread out like they own the place.  Some will sit and cross their legs sharply — foot stuck half into the space of the other seat.  Meant to intimidate – don’t sit there or I’ll wipe my foot on your pants/skirt.    Hordes of people get on the train.  All looking for seats.  And the few seat hogs will protect their space until someone asks — usually politely — may I sit here?   Seat hogs will scowl.  Huff and puff.  But usually pull their “stuff” and pile it in their laps. Though there are the occasional whiners who refer to their bag and complain “I can’t put that in my lap!”  And then there are the crafty ones – who start out sitting in the aisle seat.  When one observant enough to see the window seat is unoccupied asks for the person to move, the seat hog gets up and insists the newby take the window as if to say “I’m in control.  That’ll show him/her.” 

I’ve done an informal study over the years of the seat hogs by looking at what seat hogs are reading.  Nearly all are reading cases, briefs, arguments and such.  Lawyers.  The men – often doffed in suits – and the occasional women (adorned for court) — are lawyers.  There’s not much push back against the seat hogs though the conductors (bless ’em) will frequently admonish the assembled over the intercom to “be courteous” and “not take up two seats.”   Just one more reason to give lawyers a bad name. . . . .

So this Guy. . . .

So this guy is up delivering a speech to a large group of people. He begins to rant “All lawyers are jerks!”  [Or you may select your own epithet]

From the back of the room a guy raises his hand and yells “I really take offense at your words.”

The guy giving the speech asks “are you a lawyer?”

Absolutely not,” the guy says defensively. “I’m a jerk!”

Lawyers do get a bad rap from the public.  In a 2013 Pew research poll, lawyers ranked at the bottom of ten professions.  Only 18% of responders felt that lawyers contributed “a lot” to society’s well being.  And that’s down from 23% in 2009.  In a December 2013 Gallup poll on “Honesty/Ethics in Professions,” lawyers were at the bottom of the list — just above members of Congress, lobbyists and car salesmen.  While there are a lot of good lawyers, I tend to think that much of the criticism of lawyers is deserved.   We don’t police the profession as we might and. . . .  wait . . . shhhh. . . .sorry – gotta run!  I hear a siren. . . . .