Motion to Kiss My .. . .

As a lawyer, I have been on the receiving end of more than a few lawyer jokes. And have laughed at them. I’ve actually posted a few on my blog due to the high demand, broad appeal and grudging accuracy of some.

I’ve seen my share of weird things in and out of court but I thought I would let you know that not all humor is inspired by lawyers. Some is initiated by litigants. For example. . . .

Washington v. Alaimo, 934 F.Supp.1395 (S.D. GA 1996) featured an angry plaintiff in federal court who filed a motion titled “Motion to Kiss My ***” True

U.S. ex. rel Mayo v. Satan & his Staff 54 F.R.D. 282 (1971) a prisoner filed a class action lawsuit in federal court against the devil “and his staff.” Yep.

A really good one – that won the Criminal Lawyers Award Contest – involved a Charlotte, NC lawyer who bought 24 rare and expensive cigars, insured them against fire, smoked them and submitted a claim against the insurance company. It gets better. Spend 2-1/2 minutes and watch

Lawyers. . . . . .

A police officer was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer’s credibility.
Q:  Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A:  No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.
Q:  Officer, who provided this description?
A:  The officer who responded to the scene.
Q:  So – a fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender?    Do you trust your fellow officers?
A:  Yes, sir. With my life.
Q:  With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A:  Yes sir, we do!
Q:  And do you have a locker in the room?
A:  Yes, sir, I do.
Q:  And do you have a lock on your locker?
A:  Yes, sir.
Q:  Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?
A:  You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, but sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.