So This Guy

[A bit of humor from September 14, 2014] So this guy is delivering a speech to a large group of people. He begins to rant “All lawyers are jerks!”  [Or you may select your own epithet]

From the back of the room a guy raises his hand and yells “I really take offense at your words.”

The guy giving the speech asks “are you a lawyer?”

Absolutely not,” the guy says defensively. “I’m a jerk!”

Lawyers do get a bad rap from the public.  In a 2013 Pew research poll, lawyers ranked at the bottom of ten professions.  Only 18% of responders felt that lawyers contributed “a lot” to society’s well being.  And that’s down from 23% in 2009.  In a December 2013 Gallup poll on “Honesty/Ethics in Professions,” lawyers were at the bottom of the list — just above members of Congress, lobbyists and car salesmen.  While there are a lot of good lawyers, I tend to think that much of the criticism of lawyers is deserved.   We don’t police the profession as we might and. . . .  wait . . . shhhh. . . .sorry – gotta run!  I hear a siren. . . . .       

Motion to Kiss My .. . .

As a lawyer, I have been on the receiving end of more than a few lawyer jokes. And have laughed at them. I’ve actually posted a few on my blog due to the high demand, broad appeal and grudging accuracy of some.

I’ve seen my share of weird things in and out of court but I thought I would let you know that not all humor is inspired by lawyers. Some is initiated by litigants. For example. . . .

Washington v. Alaimo, 934 F.Supp.1395 (S.D. GA 1996) featured an angry plaintiff in federal court who filed a motion titled “Motion to Kiss My ***” True

U.S. ex. rel Mayo v. Satan & his Staff 54 F.R.D. 282 (1971) a prisoner filed a class action lawsuit in federal court against the devil “and his staff.” Yep.

A really good one – that won the Criminal Lawyers Award Contest – involved a Charlotte, NC lawyer who bought 24 rare and expensive cigars, insured them against fire, smoked them and submitted a claim against the insurance company. It gets better. Spend 2-1/2 minutes and watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mP-bd2_Ysg

Lawyers. . . . . .

A police officer was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer’s credibility.
Q:  Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A:  No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.
Q:  Officer, who provided this description?
A:  The officer who responded to the scene.
Q:  So – a fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender?    Do you trust your fellow officers?
A:  Yes, sir. With my life.
Q:  With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A:  Yes sir, we do!
Q:  And do you have a locker in the room?
A:  Yes, sir, I do.
Q:  And do you have a lock on your locker?
A:  Yes, sir.
Q:  Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?
A:  You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, but sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.