March is supposed to go out like a lamb.  Not a tyrannosaurus rex.  I have had it with winter. February in Chicago was the coldest on record. Friday was the coldest March 27th in 140 years.  This morning it was 20 degrees.  The Cubs pennant run starts next weekENOUGH!!  Enough winter!!   I’m perfectly content when the thermometer notches into the 90’s.  I put on my Speedo, a t-shirt and flip flops and head off to work.   But today, I walked out the door bundled up like Admiral Byrd. 

Last year (March 6, 2014), I had a post about “Winter’s Full Court Press.”  The laments of a horrible, suffocating winter.  It is a year and four weeks later.  March is required to go out like a lamb.    &*#x@+%!  And we’re still getting the full court press.  Spring in Chicago is a fiction.  We usually go from 30 degrees and slushy to 90 degrees and humid on a Wednesday afternoon in April.  Where is “global warming” when we need it?  Of course that’s pretty much a fiction too as we’re learning. . . . .

Winter’s Full Court Press

I was talking to a friend about the weather.  I opined “I hate this winter.”  He responded cheerily “Oh but it’s winter.  It’s what we expect.”  I was a little more sharp than usual in my retort “but it has been intense, colder than normal with more snow than usual.”  He laughed.  “Oh that’s winter.”  Ho ho ho. . . .  

My countenance darkened.  My eyes narrowed.  Smoke began to waft from my ears . . . . . but I smiled through my teeth and remembered the admonition of my grandmother “if you can’t say something nice – don’t say anything.”  I growled inwardly.  Said “yep.”  And walked away.

I just came back from 10 days in the Caribbean.  On the night we returned, Chicago had just gotten 9 inches of new snow and it was freezing.  We got home, crawled under layers of blankets, shivered and turned out the lights.  Next morning, my eyes blinked open and it hit me – this isn’t St. Barth’s Toto.  An hour later, I’m trudging through the ice and snow in 5 degree weather bundled up like Admiral Byrd heading to the train station. 

I can tolerate cold weather but this winter has been positively awful.  I wanna be warm.  I wanna play golf.  I wanna go to the beach.  I wanna grill my food outside.  I wanna open the windows and sleep with a sheet – not 15 pounds of blankets.  I wanna walk in 80 degree sunshine to and from the train.  I wanna use my fly swatter.  Let’s put it this way.  If you have liked this winter, keep it to yourself.