I am an anti-sparkle guy. You know – those little shiny whatevertheheckyoucallthem thingees that get all over the table, all over the floor and all over everything. I do not like “sparkly” Christmas (or any other kind of) cards. I do not like sparkly ribbons. I do not like sparkly paper. And I most of all do not like those folks who – when they put their Christmas card in the envelope – think it’s festive to fill the card full of sparkles. So when you open the card, sparkles fly into the air and fall onto the table. Just think about inhaling a lungful of sparkles. Or worse yet your child or grandchild inhaling sparkles. Or eating sparkles.
I remember having meat loaf a few years ago and I remember looking at it. It sparkled back at me. Meat loaf that sparkled. Now the recipe called for Italian bread crumbs, seasoning, and salt and pepper. But no sparkles. Then I remembered having opened a Christmas card which was full of. . . .you know. And I looked at my sparkly hands. Since then, I have been on a campaign to ban sparkles from all ribbons, gifts, cards, wrapping paper and whatever. Write your Congressman. Senator. The President. If you have a sparkly card or a ton of sparkles, send it all to Congress. Or the Senate. Or the White House. That may get some action. . . .