I am an anti-sparkle guy.  You know – those little shiny whatevertheheckyoucallthem thingees that get all over the table, all over the floor and all over everything.  I do not like “sparkly” Christmas (or any other kind of) cards.  I do not like sparkly ribbons.  I do not like sparkly paper.  And I most of all do not like those folks who – when they put their Christmas card in the envelope – think it’s festive to fill the card full of sparkles.  So when you open the card, sparkles fly into the air and fall onto the table.  Just think about inhaling a lungful of sparkles.  Or worse yet your child or grandchild inhaling sparkles.  Or eating sparkles.    

I remember having meat loaf a few years ago and I remember looking at it.  It sparkled back at me.  Meat loaf that sparkled.  Now the recipe called for Italian bread crumbs, seasoning, and salt and pepper.  But no sparkles.  Then I remembered having opened a Christmas card which was full of. . . .you know.  And I looked at my sparkly hands.  Since then, I have been on a campaign to ban sparkles from all ribbons, gifts, cards, wrapping paper and whatever.  Write your Congressman.  Senator.  The President.  If you have a sparkly card or a ton of sparkles, send it all to Congress.  Or the Senate.  Or the White House.  That may get some action. . . .