[A repeat from March 25, 2017] I go to the local fitness center a few times a week. When I come home, I get the question “how was your workout?” And my response – for the longest time – was “fine.” And that was it.

But my workouts vary. Sometimes it’s a quick in and out. Other times, I’ll be there for a while – punishing my body. Grunting, groaning, lumbering and lurching through all manner of cardio, weights, stretches and contortions. So one day when I got home and Donna asked “how was your workout?” – I responded “I did the puppy dog.” I got the look . . . . “What’s that?” Donna asked. “I was only able to work out for 45 minutes.” “Oh.” Later that week, I went home, got the question and responded “I did the Gorilla.” Nearly 90 minutes of exercise. And so it goes. I have now identified five distinct categories of workout:

The Puppy Dog — A workout of less than 45 minutes

The Regular — An hour

The Gorilla — An hour to an hour and a half

Death to the Infidels — Pushing two hours

“Death to the Infidel” workouts are rare but they happen. However, while on vacation a few weeks ago, I came up with a fifth category: “Death to the Infidels – al-Shahid [the martyr].” This is where I try to kill myself working out. But I don’t succeed . . . .