I go to the local fitness center a few times a week. When I come home, I often get the question “how was your workout?”  And my response – for the longest time – was “fine.”  And that was it.  

But my workouts vary.  Sometimes it’s a quick in and out.  Other times, I’ll be there for a while – punishing my body.  Grunting and groaning, lumbering and lurching through all manner of cardio, weights, stretches and contortions.  So one day when I got home – and got “the question” – I responded “I did the puppy dog.”  I got the look . . . .  “What’s that?” Donna asked.  “I was only able to work out for 45 minutes.”  “Oh.”  Later that week, I went home and got the question.   “I did the Gorilla.”  Nearly 90 minutes of exercise.  And so it goes.  I have now identified five distinct categories of workout:

The Puppy Dog — A workout of less than 45 minutes

The Regular — An hour

The Gorilla — An hour to an hour and a half

Death to the Infidels — Pushing two hours

“Death to the Infidel” workouts are rare but they happen.  However, while on vacation a few weeks ago, I came up with a fifth category:  “Death to the Infidels – al-Shahid [the martyr].”  This is where I try to kill myself working out.  But I don’t succeed . . . .