On our cruise, we sidled through the Arabian Sea, the Straits of Hormuz, the Gulf of Aden, the Red Sea, Suez Canal and into the Mediterranean. On our third day out — in advance of traversing the narrows between Somalia and Yemen, we had a “Pirate Drill.” Seriously.

We had had the required emergency lifeboat drill on the first day. But it was the Pirate Drill that had everyone slightly unnerved. Because of the risk of Somali pirates (“extremely remote, folks“), we had a drill for that contingency.

“Code Yellow” (an unknown sighting) meant the crew and staff had to report to duty stations. “Code Orange” (a possible encounter) required all passengers to leave staterooms and gather in halls and aisles in the center of the ship. And “Code Red” (encounter) meant that all passengers were to sit or lie on the floors and the ship would turn on the after-burners. Yes, we practiced this.

But I was ready for those pirates.  Little did they know that when I was 21, I studied kung fu.  AND I had my Swiss Army knife.  HAY-YAHHHHH!