Category: Humor

The Best Medicine

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On March 14, 2005, I delivered a paper to The Chicago Literary Club titled “The Best Medicine.”  The paper is a mildly academic study of the history, styles and benefits (even healing power) of humor. See http://www.chilit.org/Papers%20by%20author/Petersen4.htm   

Joseph Addison – the 17th Century English writer – said “man is distinguished from all other creatures by the faculty of laughter.”  Sigmund Freud in his The Joke and its Relation to the Unconscious states that “jokes” release us from traditional inhibitions which make up the veneer of our personalities.  Ol’ Sig’s book also contains a host of jokes, puns and one-liners. His book ain’t Planes, Trains and Automobiles but it’s worth a look. . . .  

Historically, the earliest known “smile” is etched on the lips of a statue of Ebbeh – a Mesopotamian factotum who lived in 2400 B.C. (Ebbeh now resides in the Louvre).  Four centuries later, we enter Biblical times.  While there were no Old Testament comedians, the word “laugh” (or “laughter”) makes its debut in the Book of Genesis.  When Abraham and Sarah are told they will have a son, both fall on their faces – laughing.  Perhaps that is why their son was named “Isaac” which in Hebrew is “He [or God] laughs.”  The word “laugh” or its derivations appear 43 times in the Bible (with only 6 of those in the New Testament).  The Koran chronicles 16 uses of the word but most relate to the faithful laughing at the inglorious fate of unbelievers.  The Veda in Hindu text records the word “laugh” 8 times.   In Buddhist tradition, he “Laughing Buddha” was supposedly a real person – a wandering happy Zen monk named Pu-Tai who lived around 1000 A.D. 

The first stand-up comedian was Aristophanes (see post of 8/28/11) who was known for his political jabs.  He would lurch out on stage smeared with wine playing the Emperor – Cleon.  It didn’t go over well with Cleon. . . . . The first joke book was The Philogelos (“Laughter Lover”) “published” in the 4th Century A.D.  It was a collection of 264 jokes.  One depicts a chatty barber.  “How shall I cut your hair” he says to his customer.  “In silence” the man responds.  Some things don’t change. . . . .    

So this guy. . . . .

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Two guys are in an airplane flying at 35,000 feet. Suddenly there’s a loud “BANG.” The pilot comes on the intercom “Ladies and gentlemen, we have just lost one of our four engines. We have three other engines and it is no problem to fly.  But we’ll be about one hour late getting to our destination.”

A little while later – another loud “BANG.” Captain comes on “Folks, we have lost a second of our four engines. But this plane can fly on two. But we’re going to be about two hours late getting to our destination.”

A few minutes later, there is another huge “BANG.” The captain comes on the intercom and says “Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve never had this happen but we’ve lost a third of our four engines. This plane is designed to fly on one engine so we’re fine.  But we’re going to be about three hours late getting to our destination.”

So the one guy turns to the other and says “Man – if we lose that fourth engine, we’re going to be up here all day!”

   

So this Guy. . . . .

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So on Monday morning, this guy goes to work with a nasty-looking black eye.

“What happened to you?” said his friend.

“Geeesh. . . I was in Church yestereday. When we all stood up to sing a hymm, this old woman in front of me stood up. She was wearing this huge billowy dress and the back of the dress was stuck in her belt and in her rear end. So I reached forward and pulled it out.  With that, she turned around and smacked me.”

“Gee that’s too bad,” said the friend. “You try and do a good deed and look what happens.”

The next Monday the same guy came to work – this time with the other eye all blackened.   His friend saw him and said “Wow! What happened to you?”

Guy said “So yesterday we go to Church. And we sit behind this same woman. We all stood up to sing a hymm and – just like last week – her big billowy dress was caught up in her belt and in her rear end. The guy next to me reached over and pulled it out. But I knew she didn’t like that so I just leaned forward and tucked it all back in. . . . . . “

The Poor Canary

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A small canary was under the weather and went to the doctor. “Doctor,” the small bird said “I don’t feel so well.”
“Well take off your feathers and let’s have a look.”

The doctor examined the small bird, sighed and said “I have bad news for you. You have a canarial disease. It’s chirpes. And it’s untweetable.”

Four Husbands. . . . .

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The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation. “He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“Interesting,” the newsman observed.

He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, and a preacher when in her 60’s, and now – in her 80’s – a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”

Joe Miller’s Joke Book

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I always wanted to be a stand up comedian — but I just don’t have the legs for it. . . .

I love good jokes.  Comedy.  The Three Stooges (“are you kidding Petersen?”).  The Honeymooners.  Seinfeld.  I love to laugh.   Belly laugh.  The person I’d like most to have dinner with?  Aristophanes (see post of August 28, 2011).  My favorite funny movie?  “Planes Trains and Automobiles.”  Rent it.  Please!  Or maybe it’s “Airplane.”  Or “Young Frankenstein.”  Or “The Pink Panther.”  Humor is a great medicine (see post of July 28, 2011). 

While Aristophanes was the first stand up comedian in about 400 B.C., the first book of jokes wasn’t published until 1739.  It was Joe Miller’s Joke Book, then known as Joe Miller’s Jests or The Wit’s Vade-Mecum.  Joe Miller (1684-1738) was an English actor who played a large number of humorous/comedic parts.  When Miller died, a chap named John M0tley (1692-1750) published Joe Miller’s Jests in 1739.  It was a collection of contemporary and ancient witticisms.  The first edition had 247 numbered jokes. 

“A famous teacher of Arithmetick who had long been married without being able to get his Wife with Child.  One said to her ‘Madam, your Husband is an excellent Arithmetician.’  ‘Yes, replies she, only he can’t multiply.'”   (That’s number 234) 

Joe Miller was referred to by Scrooge in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol (1843) (“Joe Miller never made such a joke as sending [the turkey] to Bob’s. . . .”). 

Maybe after I croak, someone will write a book “The Renaissance Hombre’s Joke Book.”  I have a card file full of them!  Yeah. . . . .   

Sam’s Shoe Shop

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An old man was sitting in his easy chair when he heard the mail fall through the mail slot. He got up, stretched and shuffled off to pick up the mail. There was an envelope with a return address from his old Army unit. My old unit, he thought. He tore open the envelope and read that there was to be a reunion. “Wear your uniform!” the letter said.

My uniform. Where is my unif. . . .the attic! He slowly padded up to the attic and there was his footlocker. He opened it and pulled out the pants. They fit. He then shrugged on the tunic. It fit too! But his shoes were not there. Where could they b. . . . He felt in his pocket and there was a card. “Sam’s Shoe Shop – New York City.”  The old man remembered that he had dropped off his shoes for repair 50 years before.  

There was a telephone number on the card so he picked up the phone and dialed.  A voice answered -“Sam’s Shoe Shop.   Sam here.” 

“Sam!  Sam!  I was in your shop 50 years ago and dropped off my shoes.”  The old man read off the claim check number.   “By any chance do you still have them?”   

Sam said “All right.  Just a minute.”  The old man waited for several minutes then Sam got back on.  “Okay.  I got ’em.   They’ll be ready next Thursday.” 

The Parrot

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A man was looking for a present to buy his elderly mother. What to get he thought. An idea came to him. His mother had lived alone for years.  Maybe a pet?  Not a dog or cat – too much work.  So he went to the pet shop.

The owner said “I’ve got just the thing. I have a parrot. Smart as a whip. Speaks seven languages. Friendly.   She can talk to him.  Great companion.  Bird likes to watch t.v. too.”   The owner named a hefty price.

The man grimaced but said “I’ll take him.”  He had the pet store deliver the parrot to his mother.  And he called her the following week. 

“Hi Mom!  Hey how did you like the parrot I sent you?”

“He was delicious,” the mother said.

“WHAT!  Don’t tell me you ate him!” 

“Of course I did.” 

“Mom – that parrot was supposed to be a pet!  He spoke seven languages.”

“Well he should have said something.”

Humor – the Best Medicine

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On March 14, 2005, I delivered a paper to The Chicago Literary Club entitled “The Best Medicine” http://www.chilit.org/Petersen4.htm  The paper delved into the history of humor – from the Biblical Genesis 17:17, to (my favorite) the first stand up comedian – Aristophanes – “Old Baggy Pants” (448 B.C. to 385 B.C.) to “Heeere’s Johnny” Carson. 

In December 2001, the British Association for the Advancement of Science conducted a survey of the worlds funniest jokes.  After months of studious analysis (I wish I’d’ve been part of that group), they concluded that one joke was the funniest ever.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson pitch their tent while on a camping expedition.  In the middle of the night, Holmes nudges Watson awake and says:

Holmes:  Watson – look up and the stars and tell me what you deduce.

Watson:  Holmes, I see millions of stars and I wonder if some of them have planets like earth where there may also be life.

Holmes:  No, Watson – you idiot!  Someone has stolen our tent!