Author: scottpetersen

Lawyer, guitar player (the Blues), magic man, chess player, father, grandfather, husband, linguist, etc.

The Masters

On By scottpetersenIn The MastersLeave a comment

Last weekend, I saw my first commercial for THE MASTERS. If there is anything that can swat the winter doldrums, it is a reminder that THE MASTERS is not far away.

THE MASTERS is one of four “Major” PGA golf tournaments played each year. Unlike most tournaments, THE MASTERS is always hosted by Augusta National Golf Club in Augusta, GA. The tournament was first played in 1934 (the year after the Club opened) and adopted the present – iconic – name in 1939.  The tradition of the GREEN JACKET began in 1949.  Interestingly, the course played the first two years with the back nine as the front and the front as the back.  At the end of 1935 it was changed permanently to the current order.  Prior to being a golf course, Augusta National was a plant nursery.  Each hole today is named after a plant or shrub with which it has become associated. 

There have been some truly amazing shots and plays at THE MASTERS.  There have been 73 holes in one with a record five in 2002!  Do yourself a favor and sit back for four minutes and 22 seconds and watch three of the most amazing golf shots in THE MASTERS’ (and golf) history.  I saw all of these live (on t.v.).  One day I hope to add a great shot of my own to this mix.  No, I’m not gonna hold my breath. . . .  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jaq_SAtm3J8 – 1 minute 3 seconds

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nJfhUGM4Yc – 2 minutes 18 seconds (I get tears in my eyes watching this one)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZoUJZ0yDTA – 1 minute 1 second

Facilitating Payments

On By scottpetersenIn Facilitating PaymentsLeave a comment

Let’s say you are a trucker.  And you have arrived at your destination in Canada to deliver a load of paper.  The official at the paper plant says quite plainly – “you may not unload your truck . . . . unless you give me fifty dollars.”  You hem and haw and he tells that unless you fork over the fifty, you will have to drive back to Oklahoma City.  You then agree and hand him a fifty dollar bill.  Is that a bribe? 

You want to influence a public official to admit only your company’s product into a particular city in Costa Rica.  You offer the official a thousand dollars to keep your competitors out of the city.  She accepts the grand.  Is that a bribe?

Answer?  The first situation is probably legal.  It might be considered a “facilitating payment” under American federal law.  The second is a bribe.  Hands down.  And you can go to jail.  There is a clear difference between the two situations.  While a facilitating payment (or “grease payment”) might be considered to be a questionable business ethic, there is nothing legally wrong with it. 

A “facilitating payment” is defined by the Foreign Corupt Practices Act (1977) as a payment to a foreign official, political party or party official for “routine government action” (such as processing papers, issuing permits or other duties) which are non-discretionary which an official is already bound to perform.  The payment is not intended to influence the outcome of an official’s action — only the timing thereof.  Facilitating payments are one of the few exceptions from anti-bribery prohibitions of the law. 

I sometimes suggest to Donna that a facilitating payment on her part might be in order for my doing the dishes or organizing a closet.  Unfortunately it normally takes a bribe on my part to avoid such tasks.     

As a lawyer, I have to say – This is not legal advice (except perhaps when dealing with your spouse).   

Scoring Points – Part III

On By scottpetersenIn Caymus Vineyards, Meiomi, Scoring points1 Comment

In my posts of May 6 and 8, 2012, I talked about how my cooking scores points. Well, I’ve done it again. Donna spent much of Saturday with our daughter helping out with the baby.  Donna called mid-afternoon and said she was tired and that she’d be home around 6:00.  “Would you like me to fix dinner?” I asked. “Would you?” she responded. I smiled “Just you wait.”

I went out and bought about 3/4 pound of fresh prosciutto sliced thick, a Vidalia onion (what else), LeSeur peas and some Laurel Hill fire roasted red peppers. I chopped the prosciutto and onion into small pieces. I sauteed the prosciutto and onion slowly (covered – stirring often) with some shaved garlic in a nice olive oil. I wanted the prosciutto brown and the onions somewhat absorbed.  I heated the peas and tossed in one of the red peppers (cut up) for color.  I cooked a Prince spaghetti (al dente) and when all was done, I mixed it all in a bowl with a jar of Elki artichoke lemon pesto (heated with extra olive oil).  I roasted some bread crumbs in olive oil to sprinkle on top of the dish and offered grated parmesan on the side.  Voila!  

The table was set.  The candles were lit.  Sinatra was crooning in the background.   Donna walked in.  She smiled and sat down.  A Caymus Vineyards Meiomi red was the perfect accompaniment.  We had a caramel gelato for dessert.  In retrospect, the lemon artichoke pesto made the dish too lemony (though it was still very good).  Next time, I may stay with olive oil and some extra garlic or peperoncino.  But hey — I scored some points.  Major points after doing the dishes.       

The Chicago Literary Club

On By scottpetersenIn Chicago Literary Club, Renaissance HombreLeave a comment

The Chicago Literary Club is one of the oldest literary groups in the United States.  It was founded in Chicago in 1874 as an all male bastion of those who loved literature.   The Club opened in the year after Chicago’s Fortnightly Club opened for women with literary interest.  Members would regale their fellows with discussions of politics, the labor movement and reminiscence of the Civil War.   Today, the Club is coed and meets every Monday from October to May.  Dinner is usually served and a paper presented at 7:30.  Papers will run from 25 to 60 minutes.  The papers are published online at the Club’s website – www.chilit.org. 

On January 7th, I delivered my sixth paper to The Chicago Literary Club.  The title of the paper was “The Renaissance Hombre.”  I’ll bet you can guess the topic.   You can check out my paper online at http://www.chilit.org/Papers%20by%20author/Petersen%20–%20Renaissance%20Hombre.htm   R.H.  

Joe Miller’s Joke Book

On By scottpetersenIn Aristophanes, Humor, Joe Miller's Joke BookLeave a comment

I always wanted to be a stand up comedian — but I just don’t have the legs for it. . . .

I love good jokes.  Comedy.  The Three Stooges (“are you kidding Petersen?”).  The Honeymooners.  Seinfeld.  I love to laugh.   Belly laugh.  The person I’d like most to have dinner with?  Aristophanes (see post of August 28, 2011).  My favorite funny movie?  “Planes Trains and Automobiles.”  Rent it.  Please!  Or maybe it’s “Airplane.”  Or “Young Frankenstein.”  Or “The Pink Panther.”  Humor is a great medicine (see post of July 28, 2011). 

While Aristophanes was the first stand up comedian in about 400 B.C., the first book of jokes wasn’t published until 1739.  It was Joe Miller’s Joke Book, then known as Joe Miller’s Jests or The Wit’s Vade-Mecum.  Joe Miller (1684-1738) was an English actor who played a large number of humorous/comedic parts.  When Miller died, a chap named John M0tley (1692-1750) published Joe Miller’s Jests in 1739.  It was a collection of contemporary and ancient witticisms.  The first edition had 247 numbered jokes. 

“A famous teacher of Arithmetick who had long been married without being able to get his Wife with Child.  One said to her ‘Madam, your Husband is an excellent Arithmetician.’  ‘Yes, replies she, only he can’t multiply.'”   (That’s number 234) 

Joe Miller was referred to by Scrooge in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol (1843) (“Joe Miller never made such a joke as sending [the turkey] to Bob’s. . . .”). 

Maybe after I croak, someone will write a book “The Renaissance Hombre’s Joke Book.”  I have a card file full of them!  Yeah. . . . .   

A Culture of Violence

On By scottpetersenIn Culture of Violence, Violence1 Comment

On Saturday mornings when I was growing up, I could watch one hour of television.  I was not allowed to watch “Superman” (the old one with George Reeves) because my mother thought it was “too violent.”  So I usually picked “Mighty Mouse” and “Sky King.”  On Saturday nights, I could sometimes watch “Have Gun Will Travel” and “Gunsmoke” with my father.   In the old Westerns, if a bad guy was shot, he’d fall down.  Narry a drop of blood.  No coughing.  No twitching.  No movement.  And no gloating.   

In 1969, Sam Peckinpah ended that age of innocence with his iconic “The Wild Bunch” in which blood flowed in rivers and the carnage was suffocating.  I remember seeing the movie and going “whoa!” 

Today we accept that young people can watch movies that glorify horror, death and fear.  They play (often for hours on end) the most violent, brutal, cruel and bloody video games.   There is the scalding inhumanity of and bloodlust for ultimate fighting and the degrading and debasing reality television shows where manipulation and back-stabbing win.  Hollywood sinks lower.  And lower.  But – hey – don’t you dare try and impose your values on anyone.   Don’t even think of mentioning the word “God” in school or a public place.   And heaven help you if you bring a Bible to school.   The ACLU and secular “progressives” (who want to impose their values on you) will sue you and run you out of town under the guise of safeguarding liberty.   

When you see the horrific violence that we as a society wreak upon ourselves, I have to wonder if our culture of violence, the casual acceptance of it and the disintegration of traditional values — don’t invite it. . . .

The Taliban

On By scottpetersenIn Mitch Rapp, TalibanLeave a comment

Just who are the“Taliban”?  The word “Taliban” is the Arabic (and Pashto) plural form of “student.”  The singular form is talib. 

The Taliban is a militant Islamic fundamentalist movement which operates in and is composed primarily of fundamentalist Sunni tribesmen from Northern Pakistan and Afghanistan.  The Taliban favor a strict interpretation of Sharia law (the moral code and religious law of Islam).  “Sharia” means “pathway to be followed” in Arabic.  

The Taliban got its start in Afghanistan in the early 1990’s with the power vacuum left by the withdrawal of Soviet forces in 1989.  Through 2001, the Taliban were actually supported by the Pakistani ISI (Inter-Services Intelligence) and some speculate that this support may actually be ongoing.  The Taliban is a political and military force to be reckoned with in these desperately poor areas of Pakistan and Afghanistan.  The Taliban are violent — accounting for three quarters of all casualties in Afghanistan since the U.S. became involved in that country.  They are especially known for cruelty and brutality toward women.  Religious police beat women on the streets if an ankle shows beneath their full burqa.  Women receive limited medical attention, and schools and work for women are forbidden.  And on and on. . . .  The Taliban has banned music and theaters and has destroyed priceless cultural artifacts which “offend.” 

Al-Qaeda, which also pushes violent jihad, fundamentalism and Sharia law, is distinct – and should not be confused with the Taliban (except perhaps in deserving universal condemnation).  Al-Qaeda, the Taliban and Pakistan’s armed forces teamed up in the mid-90’s against the Northern Alliance (mainly Tajiks) who waged a sectarian war over the new political establishment in Afghanistan.       

As I write about these characters, I (and I’m sure many) get angry . . . .  What do you/we do about these characters?  Should we do anything?  Hmmm?  What would you do — if anything?   It occurred to me that Mitch Rapp may be the ideal solution to the Taliban problem (see post of August 25, 2011).

Wrapping Paper

On By scottpetersenIn Wrapping paper - an alternativeLeave a comment

If my wife and daughter bought me a locomotive for Christmas, I’m convinced that they would find enough wrapping paper to cover the thing from wheels to smokestack.  There would be a giant bow on top and the thing would be encircled with red ribbon. 

 The process of wrapping presents for Christmas for most families takes longer than your typical NFL season.  And I wonder why?   Why do we wrap presents at all?  Just think if we didn’t wrap presents.  We would save a forest of trees, billions of dollars and eons of time that could be devoted to more productive pursuits like playing golf.  I have an idea that could instantly change all that.   It would save billions of dollars, trees galore and that ever decreasing commodity — time.  

My idea is called “The Wrapping Cloth.”  What you do is buy some fancy, highly-decorative cloth squares of varying sizes, cover all of the presents individually with a wrapping cloth and then when the magic moment arrives, the recipient whisks the cloth away revealing a present!  It’s cheaper than paper in the long run and wrapping cloths can be handed down from generation to generation.  When families are gathered celebrating Christmas on the planet AC Bb 1 (which orbits  our closest stellar neighbor, Alpha Centuri), they will use old and venerable wrapping cloths (“This belonged to our family when they lived on Earth!”).   Wrapping cloths can be used for birthdays and even those mind-numbing experiences known as baby or wedding showers.   As it is now, my wife and daughter can discern a gift I’ve wrapped from across a darkened room (“Eeewww. . . did you wrap that?”).  With the wrapping cloth, I will be able to “wrap” presents with the experts. . . .     

Save mankind and send this one around. . . . .    

Grilled Peanut Butter

On By scottpetersenIn Grilled peanut butter sandwich, Round the Clock RestaurantLeave a comment

Did you ever have a special dish added to a restaurant menu?  I did.   Once.                                                                                                      

 When I was in college, I was the proverbial night owl.  I would study until the wee hours.   And often as the second hand approached midnight, I and a few other guys would hitchhike to the Round the Clock Restaurant in downtown Rock Island.  And I would order a grilled peanut butter sandwich. With a dill pickle on the side.  And a tall glass of milk.  The interesting thing was that grilled peanut butter was not on the menu.  

One evening at the Round the Clock, I had noticed a “peanut butter & jelly sandwich” on the menu.  I was not about to order a PB & J sandwich, but it occurred to me that a grilled peanut butter sandwich might be just the ticket.  We slid into the booth and I ordered a “grilled peanut butter sandwich.”  The waitress looked at me like I was a moon rock.  I said “same as a grilled cheese but use peanut butter instead of cheese.”   I felt like Jack Nicholson in the “Five Easy Pieces” diner scene.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wtfNE4z6a8  She walked away shaking her head.  She used gestures to explain the order at the window to the kitchen.  

Well after a few weeks of this, when I walked in the door, the waitress would give me that knowing look “grilled peanut butter“?  she would ask.  I’d nod and smile “yes ma’am.”  A few months later, “Grilled Peanut Butter Sandwich” made its debut on the Round the Clock’s menu.  And I became a legend.  At least in my own mind. . . . . . .