A centipede went to college and made the football team.   As a running back, nothing could stop him.  In practice, he would plow through the line, knocking defenders here and there.  And he would score.  Every time.  When the day of the big first game arrived, the team took the field but the centipede was nowhere to be found.   At halfime, the coach walked into the locker room and there was the centipede sitting on the bench.   “Where the (bleep) have you been?” the coach yelled. 

“Sorry coach,” said the centipede.  “I’ve just been putting on my shoes.”   “Good thing you don’t have athlete’s foot,” snarled the coach. . . .

After the game, the centipede went out with his girlfriend.  Smooth talker that he was he said to her “you’ve got a nice pair of legs” “you’ve got a nice pair of legs” “you’ve got a nice pair of legs. . . .”