Joe Miller’s Joke Book

On January 6, 2013 By scottpetersenIn Aristophanes, Humor, Joe Miller's Joke BookLeave a comment

I always wanted to be a stand up comedian — but I just don’t have the legs for it. . . .

I love good jokes. Comedy. The Three Stooges (“are you kidding Petersen?”). The Honeymooners. Seinfeld. I love to laugh. Belly laugh. The person I’d like most to have dinner with? Aristophanes (see post of August 28, 2011). My favorite funny movie? “Planes Trains and Automobiles.” Rent it. Please! Or maybe it’s “Airplane.” Or “Young Frankenstein.” Or “The Pink Panther.” Humor is a great medicine (see post of July 28, 2011).

While Aristophanes was the first stand up comedian in about 400 B.C., the first book of jokes wasn’t published until 1739. It was Joe Miller’s Joke Book, then known as Joe Miller’s Jests or The Wit’s Vade-Mecum. Joe Miller (1684-1738) was an English actor who played a large number of humorous/comedic parts. When Miller died, a chap named John M0tley (1692-1750) published Joe Miller’s Jests in 1739. It was a collection of contemporary and ancient witticisms. The first edition had 247 numbered jokes.

“A famous teacher of Arithmetick who had long been married without being able to get his Wife with Child. One said to her ‘Madam, your Husband is an excellent Arithmetician.’ ‘Yes, replies she, only he can’t multiply.'” (That’s number 234)

Joe Miller was referred to by Scrooge in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol (1843) (“Joe Miller never made such a joke as sending [the turkey] to Bob’s. . . .”).

Maybe after I croak, someone will write a book “The Renaissance Hombre’s Joke Book.” I have a card file full of them! Yeah. . . . .

Sam’s Shoe Shop

On September 3, 2012 By scottpetersenIn Humor, Sam's Shoe ShopLeave a comment

An old man was sitting in his easy chair when he heard the mail fall through the mail slot. He got up, stretched and shuffled off to pick up the mail. There was an envelope with a return address from his old Army unit. My old unit, he thought. He tore open the envelope and read that there was to be a reunion. “Wear your uniform!” the letter said.

My uniform. Where is my unif. . . .the attic! He slowly padded up to the attic and there was his footlocker. He opened it and pulled out the pants. They fit. He then shrugged on the tunic. It fit too! But his shoes were not there. Where could they b. . . . He felt in his pocket and there was a card. “Sam’s Shoe Shop – New York City.” The old man remembered that he had dropped off his shoes for repair 50 years before.

There was a telephone number on the card so he picked up the phone and dialed. A voice answered -“Sam’s Shoe Shop. Sam here.”

“Sam! Sam! I was in your shop 50 years ago and dropped off my shoes.” The old man read off the claim check number. “By any chance do you still have them?”

Sam said “All right. Just a minute.” The old man waited for several minutes then Sam got back on. “Okay. I got ’em. They’ll be ready next Thursday.”

The Parrot

On July 19, 2012 By scottpetersenIn Humor, The ParrotLeave a comment

A man was looking for a present to buy his elderly mother. What to get he thought. An idea came to him. His mother had lived alone for years. Maybe a pet? Not a dog or cat – too much work. So he went to the pet shop.

The owner said “I’ve got just the thing. I have a parrot. Smart as a whip. Speaks seven languages. Friendly. She can talk to him. Great companion. Bird likes to watch t.v. too.” The owner named a hefty price.

The man grimaced but said “I’ll take him.” He had the pet store deliver the parrot to his mother. And he called her the following week.

“Hi Mom! Hey how did you like the parrot I sent you?”

“He was delicious,” the mother said.

“WHAT! Don’t tell me you ate him!”

“Of course I did.”

“Mom – that parrot was supposed to be a pet! He spoke seven languages.”

“Well he should have said something.”

Humor – the Best Medicine

On July 28, 2011July 29, 2011 By scottpetersenIn HumorLeave a comment

On March 14, 2005, I delivered a paper to The Chicago Literary Club entitled “The Best Medicine” http://www.chilit.org/Petersen4.htm The paper delved into the history of humor – from the Biblical Genesis 17:17, to (my favorite) the first stand up comedian – Aristophanes – “Old Baggy Pants” (448 B.C. to 385 B.C.) to “Heeere’s Johnny” Carson.

In December 2001, the British Association for the Advancement of Science conducted a survey of the worlds funniest jokes. After months of studious analysis (I wish I’d’ve been part of that group), they concluded that one joke was the funniest ever.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson pitch their tent while on a camping expedition. In the middle of the night, Holmes nudges Watson awake and says:

Holmes: Watson – look up and the stars and tell me what you deduce.

Watson: Holmes, I see millions of stars and I wonder if some of them have planets like earth where there may also be life.

Holmes: No, Watson – you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent!