Did you know that dolphins are so smart they can train people to stand on the edge of a pool and throw them fish.                                      When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body.  Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
Money talks… all mine ever says is good-bye.
You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see.
If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
My 65 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because almost nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T. Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk ALL the time.